Wine Etiquette – Real or Imagined.

By: Allen Balik

While the term etiquette (in the context of Emily Post) may connote adherence to specific rules, I see its connection with wine as more of a suggestion toward common sense guidelines that respect the consideration of others.  Throughout history, wine has served as a vehicle to celebrate and bring people together.  So, why impose a set of rigid demands that may negatively affect the entire experience?

The implication of wine etiquette can be observed in many situations that all have simple, informal and common sense alternatives.  The “ceremonial” presentation of the wine list in an upscale “white table cloth” restaurant, the “ritualistic” tasting and approval of the chosen wine, what to do with the gift of a bottle brought to your dinner party and what to do about a bottle you are bringing to a friend’s dinner party.  These are just a few instances that come to mind.

Must the solutions to these sometimes awkward or uncomfortable situations be resolved by rigid and frequently misunderstood “rules?”  I think not!

Quite a few years ago, I interviewed a very well-known and highly regarded sommelier for a book I was writing regarding the understanding and demystification of wine.  My question to him was how to deal with the uncomfortable intimidation of a guest when reviewing the wine list and having to make a selection.  The somm’s response was quick, articulate and on-point.  “If in my service I am intimidating the guest, I’m not doing my job.” 

There is no real etiquette demand involved here nor should there be any strict rule involved with the simple tasting of the selected wine.  If the wine is flawed you should feel free to return the bottle and chose a replacement, whether it’s another of the same wine or a different selection from the list.  But, if the wine is sound and just not up to your taste expectation, a return of the bottle is not called for and should not be requested.  That’s not a rule, only common sense.

One of my big “pet-peeves” when dining out is after tasting the selected wine, the server over-pours everyone’s glass (no doubt in order to sell more wine) and then continues to generously “top off” the glasses even for those not drinking.  So how to handle this situation without being rude to the server? After tasting the wine, I politely ask the server to pour just a small amount into everyone’s glass to let the wine breathe. 

This serves two purposes.  First, it is an effective way of letting the wine breathe and develop complexity in the glass.  And, depending on how the server handles this simple request, I can easily determine how the rest of the pouring will proceed.  If small portions are poured as requested, then all is okay.  But if not, I simply ask the server to just leave the bottle on the table.  This allows us to easily handle the re-pours on our own.  

While this may seem awkward to some, it avoids upset if the pours are mishandled throughout the meal.   Again, not an “etiquette violation” but just common sense. 

Some see the etiquette of receiving or gifting a bottle for a dinner party in a friend’s home or yours as an obligation of the host to open the bottle.  But, that’s just not true.  Quite often the host has already selected the wines to pair with the dinner being served and is free to add the gifted wine or save it for another time. There’s no insult either way.

I’ve been on both sides of this question many times over the years.  And though I understand it’s my host’s choice whether to include my “carefully chosen” gift at dinner, I sometimes feel a bit disappointed when they don’t.  By the same token, I’ve frequently taken great pleasure in cellaring the gift from a guest at our dinner party only to enjoy it at a future occasion – often with the friend who brought it to us.  

Corkage is another sensitive situation, and in many cases bodes the question of the proper “etiquette” involved. A restaurant has the option whether or not to allow guests to bring in wine (this may also be restricted by state or local laws).  They can of  course place some restrictions on the courtesy as well as add an additional charge.  I usually try to order a bottle off the list for each one I bring.  Some restaurants waive the corkage charge in this situation while others do not.  Either is acceptable as it is the restaurant’s choice. 

Corkage policy is usually printed somewhere on the wine list, and it’s always a good idea to give the restaurant a call before arriving to find out the details of their policy and share with them the wine you’ll be bringing.  Generally speaking, it’s not wise to bring a wine already on the restaurant’s list. By the way, conventional wisdom (not etiquette) is that the value of the wine you bring should be considered when leaving the tip.

Regrettably, “proper” etiquette is often interpreted as an unspoken rule with strong connotations of intimidation and trepidation about doing something unacceptable.  It can become an overly powerful word for the common sense decisions surrounding wine service and gifting. 

But, since wine is all about enjoyment, not ceremony, I find it best to overlook most perceived formalities and simply be sensitive to the consideration of others as you savor what’s in the glass.

Allen Balik, a Napa resident, has been a wine collector, consultant, author, fundraiser and enthusiast for more than 35 years.