Looking at wine etiquette for the new year

As we enter the new year, the multitude of holiday celebrations and seasonal gifting are behind us for now. But questions surrounding “wine etiquette” for gifting, celebrating with friends or simply dining out close to home or on travels near and far remain. As January dawns and the entire new year is ahead of us, a quick look at the so called “rights and wrongs” surrounding wine is a timely subject. So, let’s consider some questions that may arise and come to a few “common sense” solutions.

While the term etiquette (in the context of Emily Post) may connote adherence to specific rules, I see its connection with wine as more of a suggestion toward common sense guidelines that respect the consideration of others. Throughout history, wine has served as a vehicle to celebrate and bring people together. So, why impose a set of rigid demands that may negatively affect the entire experience?

The implication of wine etiquette can be observed in many situations that all have simple, informal and common sense alternatives. The “ceremonial” presentation of the wine list in an upscale “white table cloth” restaurant, the “ritualistic” tasting and approval of the chosen wine, what to do with the gift of a bottle brought to your dinner party and what to do about a bottle you are bringing to a friend’s dinner party. These are just a few instances that come to mind.

Must the solutions to these sometimes awkward or uncomfortable situations be resolved by rigid and frequently misunderstood “rules?” I think not!

Quite a few years ago, I interviewed a very well-known and highly regarded Master Sommelier (MS) for a book I was writing regarding the understanding and demystification of wine. My question to him was how to deal with the uncomfortable intimidation of a guest having to make a selection after reviewing the wine list. The Somm’s response was quick, articulate and on-point. “If in my service I am intimidating the guest, I’m not doing my job.”

The Sommelier should be your friend and I find most are willing to help when asked, by giving knowledgeable advice on your wine choice and offering priceless assistance on service. It’s a two-way street, and as diners we can benefit greatly by fostering the relationship. So, what’s our proper expectation in tasting the chosen wine before service?

There is no real etiquette demand involved here nor should there be any strict rules with the simple tasting of the selected wine. If the wine is flawed you should feel free to return the bottle and chose a replacement, whether it’s another of the same wine or a different selection from the list. But, if the wine is sound and just not up to your expectations, a return of the bottle is not called for and should not be requested. That’s not a rule, only common sense.

One of my big “pet-peeves” when dining out is after tasting the selected wine, the server over-pours everyone’s glass (no doubt in order to sell more wine) and then continues to generously “top off” the glasses even for those not drinking. What’s a great alternative to handle this situation without being rude to the server? After tasting the wine, I politely ask the server to pour just a small amount into everyone’s glass to let the wine breathe.

This serves two purposes. First, it is an effective way of letting the wine breathe and develop complexity in the glass. And, depending on how the server handles this simple request, I can easily determine how the rest of the pouring will proceed. If small portions are poured as requested, then all is okay. But if not, I simply ask the server to just leave the bottle on the table. This allows us to easily handle the re-pours on our own and only for those drinking the wine.

While this may seem awkward to some, it avoids upset if the pours are mishandled throughout the meal. Again, not an “etiquette violation” but just common sense.

One common “moment of decision” comes when a dinner guest arrives at your home bearing a beautiful (or not so beautiful) bottle as a thank you gift. Are you obligated to serve the wine? No. Should your friend be offended if you don’t? Not really. What’s the etiquette here? Simple. In planning the dinner, you may have already selected the wines as you chose each course of the meal. So, it’s your option whether or not to include the gifted bottle as part of the dinner or keep it for another time.

I’ve been on both sides of this question many times over the years. And though I understand it’s my host’s choice whether to include my “carefully chosen” gift at dinner, I sometimes feel a bit disappointed when they don’t. By the same token, I’ve frequently taken great pleasure in cellaring the gift from a guest at our dinner party only to enjoy it at a future occasion – often with the friend who brought it to us.

Corkage is another sensitive situation, and in many cases bodes the question of the proper “etiquette” involved. A restaurant has the option whether or not to allow guests to bring in wine (this may also be restricted by state or local laws). They can of course place some restrictions on the courtesy as well as add an additional charge. I usually try to order a bottle off the list for each one I bring. Some restaurants waive the corkage charge in this situation while others do not. Either is acceptable as it is the restaurant’s choice.

Corkage policy is usually printed somewhere on the wine list, and it’s always a good idea to give the restaurant a call before arriving to find out the details of their policy and share with them the wine you’ll be bringing. Generally speaking, it’s not wise to bring a wine already on the restaurant’s list. By the way, conventional wisdom (not etiquette) is that the value of the wine you bring should be considered when leaving the tip.

Regrettably, “proper” etiquette is often interpreted as an unspoken rule with strong connotations of intimidation and concern about doing something unacceptable. Any over emphasis on etiquette can blur the common sense decisions surrounding wine service and gifting.

But, since wine is all about enjoyment and not ceremony, I find it best to overlook most perceived formalities and simply act sensitively in consideration of others as you savor what’s in the glass.